While many engaged couples, particularly those who are married in a religious ceremony, choose to use the standard wedding vows of their particular spiritual tradition, writing customized vows has become increasingly popular in the last decade.
By weaving words and sentiments from literature, poetry and even psychology into their own views concerning the institution of marriage, a bride and groom can craft vows that are deeply personal and meaningful.
Love is a profound mystery. The act of two people binding themselves together in mind, body and soul is at once ordinary and extraordinary, prosaically rational and wildly romantic. There are no absolutes attached to this task – no right or wrong. Anything that comes from the heart is “right.” The act of writing and sharing personal marital vows is intimate and powerful, and the final product will be as unique as the couple themselves.
Start With a Standard Wedding Ceremony Format
Be sure to get the okay from the officiant if the couple wants to use personal vows. Most will be very flexible, but occasionally a tradition requires the couple to say all or part of a certain standard ceremony.
A basic ceremony outline is a good starting point for writing marriage vows. The wedding should contain a declaration of intent, an exchange of symbols and a vow. Traditional ceremonies can be found in prayer books or online. The partners should read through several of them until they find an outline that speaks to them and encompasses the rituals they wish to include in their wedding.
Couples should customize the outline they choose according to their desires. They can add or subtract the inclusion of a deity and change language to reflect the tone they wish to set. Some partners want humor included in the ceremony. Others will lean towards a more romantic and sentimental tone. It is also perfectly acceptable to use a standard service “as is” and only change the vow part to something written by each party.
Readings and Rituals Should be Included
Deciding who will have speaking roles in the ceremony is the next step. Some couples want the minister to do most of the talking. Others ask special people in their lives to sing or read verses they have chosen.
Decide on smaller rituals that may be included in the ceremony. Things like giving a bride away to be married, lighting a unity candle or smashing a wine glass should be laid out in the format before the creative writing begins.
Some Questions to Contemplate When Writing Wedding Vows
Sitting down with nothing but a blank piece of paper and the desire to say something profound and powerful about the other person can be a daunting task. Don’t censor or self-edit while writing. Clean-up time will come later. Consider some of these questions before putting pen to paper:
- "What do I love about this person?"
- "How has this person made my life better?"
- "How is this person inspirational to me?"
- "What makes this person perfect for me?"
- "How has this person challenged me?"
- "What are the dreams I have for the two of us?"
After writing out the vows, read over them with a family member or close friend and edit them where necessary. While the greater service should be discussed, written and/or decided on by both the bride and the groom, the personal vows should stay private from one another until they are spoken aloud at the actual ceremony.
Create a Wedding Book of the Vows and the Ceremony
It is important to create a written ceremony, particularly if other people will be involved. The wedding coordinator will need an outline. The officiant will need something to read from. Bridesmaids and groomsmen will also need guidance. Additionally, some couples choose to publish their ceremony in a program to be given to guests so that they can follow along at the service.
It is nice to have the ceremony laid out in an attractive booklet that the officiant can use during the wedding. This is a wonderful keepsake for the couple. Even if the bride and groom decide to speak their personal vows from memory, it is a good idea for everything to be written down and available in case of a mental stutter.
Personally written wedding vows have a magical effect on guests. They bring honesty and intimacy to a formal proceeding. If it’s original and heartfelt, people are more likely to truly listen to what the bride and groom are saying instead of simply biding their time until they can get to the cocktail bar at the reception.
Sources:
Elegant Wedding Vows (accessed March 30, 2010).
TheKnot.com. Wedding Vows and Reading: 20 Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows (accessed March 31, 2010).
Janice Fahy - Janice Fahy is a freelance writer who is comfortable researching and writing on just about any topic under the sun.
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